**Riley Greene’s Late Heroics Secure 5-4 Victory for Tigers Against Cardinals: A Tale of Clutch and Confusion**
In a game that had more twists than a pretzel factory, Riley Greene emerged as the unlikely hero, leading the Detroit Tigers to a nail-biting 5-4 victory over the St. Louis Cardinals. Greene, who apparently had a secret stash of “clutch juice” hidden in his locker, decided that the best way to win was to wait until the last possible moment to actually start playing.
“I was just trying to keep the suspense alive,” Greene said, while inexplicably wearing a cape and sunglasses indoors. “You know, like a superhero. Or a really confused magician.”
The game was a rollercoaster of emotions, with the Tigers trailing for most of the night. Fans were left wondering if they were watching a baseball game or a soap opera titled “As the Bases Turn.” At one point, a seagull swooped down and stole a hot dog from a fan, which was arguably the most exciting play until Greene decided to hit a two-run double in the ninth inning.
Cardinals’ pitcher, Bob “The Human Rain Delay” Johnson, was baffled by Greene’s sudden surge. “I thought I was pitching to a statue for eight innings,” he lamented. “Then suddenly, it was like I was facing a caffeinated cheetah.”
In the post-game interview, Greene was asked about his late-game strategy. “I just thought, ‘What would my grandma do?’” he said, pausing dramatically. “Then I remembered she always told me to wait until the last minute to do my homework. So, I figured, why not?”
As the Tigers celebrated their improbable victory, fans were left wondering if they had just witnessed a baseball game or a bizarre episode of “Survivor: Major League Edition.” One fan, who identified himself as “Dave the Distracted,” summed it up perfectly: “I came for the baseball, but I stayed for the drama. And the nachos. Definitely the nachos.”
In the end, Greene’s heroics not only secured the win but also ensured that the Tigers would remain in the playoff hunt—at least until the next game, when they’ll likely forget how to play again.
