**Rejected by Washington, Federal Workers Find Open Arms in State Governments**
In a shocking twist of fate, federal workers, once the proud guardians of bureaucracy, have found themselves unceremoniously booted from the hallowed halls of Washington. But fear not! State governments have rolled out the welcome mat, complete with a complimentary “Welcome to the Circus” balloon and a free clown nose.
“I thought I was going to retire in D.C. with a gold watch and a lifetime supply of stale donuts,” lamented former IRS agent Bob “The Taxman” Thompson. “Now I’m in Nebraska, where my new job is to count the number of corn stalks in a field. I’m pretty sure I’m going to need a bigger calculator.”
State officials are thrilled to scoop up the federal castaways. “We’ve always wanted to spice things up around here,” said Governor Sally “The Sassy” Smith of Idaho. “What better way to do that than by hiring people who can turn a simple pothole repair into a three-year project? It’s like adding a dash of paprika to a bland potato salad!”
Meanwhile, former federal workers are embracing their new roles with gusto. “I used to manage a budget of billions,” said ex-Department of Energy employee Karen “The Powerhouse” Johnson. “Now I’m in charge of the state’s rubber chicken budget. It’s a lot more fun, and I get to wear a chicken suit to work!”
As the federal workers settle into their new state jobs, they’re bringing their unique talents with them. “I’ve already implemented a new policy where every meeting must start with a 20-minute discussion on the best way to brew coffee,” said ex-FDA inspector Mike “The Bean Counter” Rodriguez. “It’s a game-changer!”
So, while Washington may have closed its doors, state governments are throwing open their windows, inviting in a fresh breeze of federal absurdity. As one state senator put it, “We’re not just hiring; we’re adopting! And we promise to love them, even if they do insist on using 12-point font for everything.”
In the end, it seems that while the federal workers may have been rejected by Washington, they’ve found a new home where the only thing more inflated than their egos is the state budget.
