**Ranking the Most Sleep-Deprived Cities in the US: Find Out Where Yours Stands!**
In a groundbreaking study that nobody asked for, we’ve ranked the most sleep-deprived cities in the United States. Spoiler alert: if you live in a city that rhymes with “Snooze Angeles,” you might want to invest in some extra-strength coffee.
Topping our list is New York City, where the average resident gets about 3.5 hours of sleep per night—mostly because they’re too busy arguing with pigeons over who gets the last bagel. Local resident and self-proclaimed “Sleep Expert” Larry Naptime said, “I haven’t slept since 2019. I just lie in bed and scroll through TikTok until I forget what day it is. Is it still 2020?”
Coming in a close second is Los Angeles, where the only thing more elusive than sleep is a parking spot. “I tried counting sheep, but they all moved to Texas for cheaper rent,” lamented local influencer Bella Dreamer. “Now I just count my followers instead. Spoiler: I’m still awake.”
Chicago, the Windy City, rounds out our top three. Here, residents are too busy dodging deep-dish pizza and the occasional flying hot dog to catch some Z’s. “I haven’t slept since the last Bears game,” said lifelong fan Mike “Sleepless” McGee. “I just keep replaying the highlights in my head. It’s exhausting!”
Other notable mentions include Seattle, where caffeine is considered a food group, and Miami, where the nightlife is so vibrant that even the sun takes a nap at noon.
So, where does your city stand? If you’re in one of these sleep-deprived hotspots, don’t worry! Just remember: sleep is for the weak, and coffee is for the strong. Or, as we like to say, “Why sleep when you can scroll?”
