**Purdue Fort Wayne Cuts Baseball and Softball Programs Due to Budget Constraints: Students Now Forced to Play in the Parking Lot**
In a shocking turn of events that has left students and faculty alike scratching their heads, Purdue Fort Wayne has announced the termination of its baseball and softball programs due to “budget constraints.” The decision has sparked outrage, confusion, and a sudden surge in interest for the university’s parking lot, which is now being dubbed “The New Diamond.”
University President Dr. Chuckle McLaughlin stated, “We had to make some tough choices. It was either keep the baseball and softball teams or fund the new ‘Advanced Studies in Memeology’ program. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to learn how to create the perfect cat meme?”
In a desperate attempt to keep the spirit of competition alive, students have taken to the parking lot with makeshift bases made of pizza boxes and bats fashioned from old broomsticks. “I never thought I’d be playing softball next to a Honda Civic,” lamented sophomore Sarah “Home Run” Johnson. “But hey, at least I can still hit a home run… right into the windshield of a parked car!”
Meanwhile, the university’s mascot, a confused-looking mastodon named “Mighty Mac,” has been spotted wandering the parking lot, trying to rally support for a new “Parking Lot League.” “I just want to play ball!” Mighty Mac exclaimed, while accidentally knocking over a stack of parking tickets. “And if I can’t do that, I’ll settle for a good game of dodgeball with the campus security!”
As the dust settles on this unexpected turn of events, students are left wondering what’s next. Will the university cut the football team to save on turf maintenance? Or perhaps replace the basketball program with a competitive hopscotch league? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: Purdue Fort Wayne is committed to keeping the spirit of competition alive, even if it means playing in the shadow of a minivan.
