**Philippine Lawmaker Slams US Travel Warning: ‘Unjust Treatment from Our Top Ally’**
In a stunning display of diplomatic gymnastics, Philippine lawmaker Juan “Not That Juan” Dela Cruz has publicly condemned the United States for its recent travel warning, which advised Americans to avoid the Philippines due to “increased crime and civil unrest.” Dela Cruz, who is known for his impressive collection of novelty ties, declared the warning “unjust” and “a personal attack on my ability to enjoy a good beach day.”
“First, they take our beaches, and now they want to take our tourists?” Dela Cruz exclaimed while sipping a coconut drink with a tiny umbrella. “What’s next? A warning against eating adobo? This is an affront to our national pride and our culinary skills!”
In a press conference that was more like a stand-up comedy routine, Dela Cruz continued, “I mean, sure, we have a few issues, like the occasional typhoon or a rogue jeepney driver, but have you seen the traffic in Los Angeles? At least we have a sense of humor about it!”
Dela Cruz also took aim at the US for its own travel advisories. “They warn us about crime, but have they seen their own crime rates? I mean, I love a good hot dog, but I’m not about to take a stroll through Chicago at midnight!”
In a surprising twist, Dela Cruz proposed a new travel campaign: “Come to the Philippines! We have crime, but we also have karaoke! And let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want to belt out ‘My Way’ while dodging a few stray dogs?”
As the press conference wrapped up, Dela Cruz concluded with a heartfelt message: “To our American friends, we love you, but please stop treating us like that weird cousin who shows up at family reunions and eats all the lechon. We’re not that bad! Just bring your sense of adventure—and maybe a helmet.”
In response, the US State Department issued a statement saying, “We stand by our travel warnings, but we’ll consider adding karaoke to the list of attractions.”
