**Pharmaceutical Industry Opposes Trump’s Drug Pricing Plan: “We Can’t Afford to Be Affordable!”**
In a shocking twist that has left the world of overpriced pills reeling, the pharmaceutical industry has officially opposed former President Trump’s new drug pricing plan. “We simply can’t afford to be affordable,” said Big Pharma spokesperson, Dr. Phil McCracken, while clutching a diamond-encrusted pill bottle. “If we lower prices, how will we fund our annual ‘Billionaire’s Yacht Regatta’?”
The plan, which aims to reduce the cost of prescription drugs, has been met with fierce resistance from the industry. “It’s like asking a cat to stop knocking things off the table,” said industry analyst, Ima P. Racket. “We thrive on chaos and overpriced medications. It’s our bread and butter—well, mostly butter, because we can’t afford bread anymore!”
In a press conference that was more circus than serious, CEO of MegaPharm, Rich Moneybags, declared, “If we can’t charge $1,000 for a bottle of aspirin, how will we ever afford to pay for our private jets? I mean, have you seen the price of jet fuel lately? It’s outrageous!”
Meanwhile, Trump himself responded to the backlash with a tweet that read, “Pharma companies are just mad because they can’t charge $10,000 for a Band-Aid anymore. Sad!” He then added a picture of himself holding a giant pill labeled “Make Drugs Affordable Again.”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: the pharmaceutical industry is committed to keeping prices high, even if it means sacrificing their ability to buy that third mansion in the Hamptons. After all, who needs affordable healthcare when you can have a gold-plated swimming pool?
