**Paroled Rapist Arrested for Attempted Murder Following Violent Assault on NYC Mother: A Comedy of Errors**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a particularly unhinged screenwriter, a paroled rapist was arrested for attempted murder after allegedly trying to take out a New York City mother who was just trying to enjoy a peaceful afternoon at the park. Witnesses say the mother, identified as “Supermom” (real name: Karen McFluff), was simply feeding the ducks when the incident occurred.
“I was just minding my own business, tossing bread crumbs, when this guy comes out of nowhere,” Karen recounted, still clutching her half-eaten sandwich. “I thought he was going to ask for directions, but instead, he tried to take me out like a bad date!”
The suspect, identified as “Ricky the Rapist” (real name: Ricky McBadchoice), had recently been paroled after serving time for a series of unfortunate decisions that included a failed career as a magician. “I thought I could make my problems disappear,” Ricky explained in a statement that left everyone scratching their heads. “Turns out, I’m just really bad at both magic and life choices.”
Local authorities were quick to respond, with Officer Chuck “The Chuckler” McGuffin stating, “We’re just glad Supermom was there to save the day. She threw a bread roll at him, and I’ve never seen a man run so fast. It was like watching a gazelle escape a lion, but with more carbs involved.”
As for Ricky, he’s back in custody, where he reportedly plans to start a new career as a motivational speaker. “I’m just trying to inspire others to make better choices,” he said, while simultaneously Googling “How to avoid prison.”
In the end, NYC remains a city of heroes, bread rolls, and questionable life choices. And as for Karen? She’s just happy to be back at the park, feeding ducks and dodging bad decisions. “Next time, I’m bringing a loaf of sourdough,” she quipped. “You can never be too prepared!”
