**Oregon State Dominates Saint Mary’s 20-3 to Advance in Corvallis Regional: A Game for the Ages (or at Least the Afternoon)**
CORVALLIS, OR – In a stunning display of athletic prowess that left fans questioning their life choices, the Oregon State Beavers crushed the Saint Mary’s Gaels 20-3 in a game that can only be described as a masterclass in how to make your opponent look like they just learned the rules of baseball yesterday.
The Beavers, who apparently took a “no mercy” approach to the game, scored runs faster than a toddler can say “I want ice cream.” “We came out swinging,” said Oregon State’s star player, Chuck “The Human Home Run” McGillicuddy. “I mean, I didn’t even know what I was doing half the time, but I figured if I just swung hard enough, something good would happen. Turns out, it did!”
Meanwhile, Saint Mary’s coach, Bob “I Thought This Was a Soccer Match” O’Malley, was left scratching his head. “I told the boys to just have fun out there. I didn’t realize ‘fun’ meant getting obliterated. I thought we were playing baseball, not dodgeball!”
The game took a bizarre turn when a rogue seagull swooped in, stealing a hot dog from a fan in the stands. “That bird was the real MVP,” said local fan and self-proclaimed bird whisperer, Linda “Feathered Fury” Johnson. “I mean, it had better aim than our outfielders!”
As the Beavers celebrated their victory with a dance-off that would make even the most seasoned TikTok stars jealous, Saint Mary’s players were left to ponder their life choices. “I thought I was signing up for a nice, relaxing game of baseball,” lamented Gaels pitcher Tim “Why Am I Here?” Thompson. “Now I’m just questioning everything.”
With this win, Oregon State advances in the Corvallis Regional, where they will face off against the University of Oregon, a team that has been known to confuse baseball with a game of ultimate frisbee. “We’re ready for anything,” said McGillicuddy, “even if it means dodging frisbees while trying to hit home runs.”
As the dust settles on this epic showdown, one thing is clear: Oregon State is here to play, and Saint Mary’s is just here for the snacks.
