**Olympic Icon Mary Lou Retton Faces DUI Arrest, Records Reveal: Gymnasts Gone Wild!**
In a shocking twist that has left the world of gymnastics reeling, Olympic legend Mary Lou Retton was arrested for DUI late last night, proving that even gold medalists can take a wrong turn—especially when they’re trying to navigate a roundabout after a few too many “energy drinks.”
According to police reports, Retton was pulled over after performing what witnesses described as “an impressive but entirely unnecessary floor routine” in the middle of Main Street. “I thought she was just practicing for the next Olympics,” said local resident Bob “The Judge” Johnson. “But then she started doing cartwheels and yelling, ‘I’m still the best!’”
When asked for comment, Retton said, “I was just trying to show the world that gymnasts can party too! I mean, have you seen the way we flip? It’s basically like driving a car, right?” She then attempted to demonstrate a back handspring but ended up in a bush instead.
Retton’s arrest has sparked a wave of support from fellow athletes. “We’ve all been there,” said Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. “One minute you’re at a party, and the next you’re trying to do a triple axel in a minivan. It happens!”
In a bizarre twist, Retton’s lawyer, who goes by the name of “Slick Rick,” announced plans to defend her by arguing that “gymnasts are naturally inclined to take risks, and what’s more risky than driving after a few celebratory shots of protein shake?”
As the world waits for the trial, one thing is clear: Mary Lou Retton may have flipped her way into trouble, but she’s still flipping fabulous. And if nothing else, she’s given us all a new reason to cheer for the “DUI Olympics”—where the only gold medal is a breathalyzer test!
