**New Orleans DA Withdraws from Jailbreak Investigation Due to Conflict of Interest: “I’m Just Too Close to the Prisoners”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the Big Easy scratching its head, New Orleans District Attorney, “Bobby ‘The Briefcase’ Boudreaux,” announced he is withdrawing from the investigation into a recent jailbreak due to a “conflict of interest.” Sources say the DA realized he had “too many friends on the inside” after a particularly raucous poker night with the escapees.
“I mean, who knew that ‘Big Tony’ was actually a big fan of my mom’s gumbo?” Boudreaux lamented at a press conference, while nervously adjusting his tie. “I can’t prosecute my pals! That’s just bad etiquette!”
The jailbreak, which involved a daring escape through a tunnel that was apparently dug with nothing but spoons and sheer determination, has left the city in a tizzy. Local resident and self-proclaimed “Jailbreak Enthusiast,” Marge “The Magnificent” McGillicuddy, expressed her disappointment. “I was really hoping to see a dramatic courtroom showdown! Now it’s just gonna be a bunch of guys in orange jumpsuits playing hide-and-seek!”
In a bizarre twist, Boudreaux’s office has announced that they will be replaced by a team of local high school students who are currently studying criminal justice. “They’re young, they’re hungry, and they’ve seen every episode of ‘Law & Order’ at least twice,” said Principal Jenkins, who is also moonlighting as a legal consultant. “What could go wrong?”
As for the escapees, they were last seen enjoying beignets at Café du Monde, reportedly discussing their next big heist: stealing the recipe for the perfect po’ boy. “We’re just trying to live our best lives,” said one of the escapees, who wished to remain anonymous but was wearing a shirt that read “I Love NOLA.”
In the meantime, Boudreaux is reportedly considering a career change. “I’ve always wanted to be a chef,” he said, “and if I can’t catch criminals, I might as well catch some crawfish!”
Stay tuned for updates on this developing story, as we continue to follow the breadcrumbs—both literal and metaphorical—of this deliciously chaotic situation.
