**New Book Reveals Biden’s ‘Scripted’ Cabinet Meetings Amid Claims of Cognitive Decline Cover-Up**
In a shocking revelation that has left political analysts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists dancing in the streets, a new book titled *Biden’s Brain: The Scripted Saga* claims that President Joe Biden’s cabinet meetings are more scripted than a daytime soap opera. The book, authored by the elusive Dr. Ima Quack, suggests that the meetings are so choreographed that even the chairs have been given lines.
According to Dr. Quack, Biden’s aides have been feeding him lines like a reluctant actor in a high school play. “It’s like watching a live-action version of *The Office*, but with more confusion and fewer laughs,” she quipped during a recent press conference that nobody attended. “I mean, who knew that ‘Let’s circle back’ was actually code for ‘I forgot what we were talking about’?”
Sources close to the White House, who wish to remain anonymous (but are definitely not just the family dog), claim that Biden often responds to questions with pre-approved phrases like “Let’s build back better” and “I love ice cream.” One aide, who goes by the name of “Bobby the Binder,” revealed, “We have a whole binder full of responses. It’s like a choose-your-own-adventure book, but with more confusion and fewer dragons.”
Critics have pointed out that the scripted nature of these meetings raises questions about Biden’s cognitive abilities. “If he can’t even remember his own lines, how can he remember the nuclear codes?” said political analyst and amateur magician, David Abracadabra. “I mean, I can’t even remember where I put my keys half the time, and I’m not running the country!”
In response to the book’s claims, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre stated, “We don’t comment on books written by people who may or may not exist. But I can assure you, the President is as sharp as a tack—albeit a tack that sometimes forgets what it’s supposed to be doing.”
As the nation waits with bated breath for the next episode of *As the Cabinet Turns*, one thing is clear: whether scripted or not, Biden’s meetings are sure to keep us entertained—if only for the sheer absurdity of it all.
