**Netflix Announces the End of an Era: DVD Rentals to Become a Mythical Creature**
In a shocking twist that has left the world reeling, Netflix has officially announced it will wind down its DVD rental business after a staggering 25 years. The company, which once revolutionized the way we consume media, is now saying goodbye to the red envelopes that have been a staple of couch potato culture since the dawn of the millennium.
“Honestly, we thought the DVD would outlive us all,” said Netflix CEO Reed Hastings, while clutching a vintage DVD of *The Matrix*. “But it turns out, people prefer to watch *The Matrix* on their phones while scrolling through TikTok. Who knew?”
The decision has sparked a wave of nostalgia among those who remember the thrill of waiting for a DVD to arrive in the mail, only to find it scratched and unplayable. “I’ll miss the suspense of wondering if my DVD would arrive in time for movie night,” lamented one former subscriber, who wished to remain anonymous but was last seen wearing a T-shirt that read “I Still Love Blockbuster.”
In a bizarre twist, Netflix plans to replace its DVD service with a new venture: “Netflix for VHS.” “We’re bringing back the classics,” Hastings declared. “Who doesn’t want to rewind a tape with a pencil while praying it doesn’t get eaten by the VCR?”
As the world prepares to bid farewell to the DVD, experts predict a rise in “retro” parties where millennials will gather to watch movies on outdated technology. “It’s like vinyl, but with more risk of getting a paper cut,” said self-proclaimed film historian and VHS enthusiast, Bob “The Tape” Thompson.
So, as we prepare to say goodbye to the red envelopes, let’s raise a glass (or a DVD) to the good old days. After all, who needs streaming when you can have the thrill of a late fee?
