**MIT Closes DEI Office After Extensive Review: “We Just Didn’t Have Enough Acronyms”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the academic world reeling, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) has announced the closure of its Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) office after an extensive review revealed that the office was “just too inclusive for its own good.”
The review, conducted by a team of highly qualified experts, including Dr. Ima Pundit and Professor Al O’Gist, concluded that the DEI office had become “overwhelmingly diverse” and “equally confusing.” “We found that the office had more acronyms than actual initiatives,” said Dr. Pundit. “At one point, we were considering adding ‘QWERTY’ to the list of initiatives just to keep things fresh.”
In a press conference that was almost as chaotic as a group project at MIT, the university’s president, Dr. H. U. Mungus, stated, “We realized that while diversity is important, so is clarity. We can’t have students spending more time deciphering our initiatives than actually studying quantum physics.”
The decision has sparked outrage among some students, including sophomore and self-proclaimed activist, Bella Figg. “I can’t believe they’re closing the DEI office! What’s next? Are they going to take away our free bagels on Wednesdays?” she lamented, clutching a half-eaten blueberry bagel as if it were a sacred relic.
In a surprising twist, the university has announced plans to replace the DEI office with a new initiative called “Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Snacks” (DEIS). “We realized that if we can’t have diversity, at least we can have donuts,” said Professor O’Gist, who is now the head of DEIS. “And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good donut?”
As MIT embarks on this new chapter, students are left wondering if they’ll ever see the return of the DEI office—or if they’ll just have to settle for a donut and a side of confusion.
