**Michael Waltz: Caught in the Crossfire of National Security and National Confusion**
In a shocking twist of fate that could only happen in the wild world of American politics, Michael Waltz, Trump’s National Security Adviser, is currently taking fire from both sides. Yes, folks, it seems that Waltz has managed to upset the left, the right, and even the confused middle who just want to know where the nearest taco truck is.
Sources close to Waltz report that he’s been spotted frantically dodging metaphorical bullets while trying to explain why he’s still relevant. “I thought I was just here to make sure the nuclear codes were safe,” he lamented, “but apparently, I also have to explain why pineapple on pizza is a national security threat.”
The left has accused him of being too cozy with Trump, while the right claims he’s not cozy enough. “It’s like being stuck between a rock and a hard place,” Waltz said, “except the rock is a Twitter troll and the hard place is my mother-in-law’s Thanksgiving dinner.”
In a recent press conference, Waltz attempted to clarify his position, stating, “I’m like a sandwich at a potluck—everyone has an opinion, but nobody really wants to take a bite.” Meanwhile, his approval ratings have plummeted faster than a lead balloon at a birthday party.
Political analysts are baffled. “Waltz is like the Swiss Army knife of national security,” one expert quipped. “Except instead of tools, he just has a bunch of angry tweets and a collection of awkward family photos.”
As the political landscape continues to shift like a game of Jenga played by toddlers, one thing is clear: Michael Waltz is the only man who can unite both sides in their mutual confusion. And if that doesn’t scream “national security,” we don’t know what does!
