**Mexican Navy Chief Confirms No Distress Calls from Tall Ship That Collided with Brooklyn Bridge: “We Thought It Was a New Tourist Attraction!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left both maritime experts and bridge enthusiasts scratching their heads, the Mexican Navy Chief, Admiral Juan “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Rodriguez, confirmed today that there were no distress calls from the tall ship that recently collided with the iconic Brooklyn Bridge. “We were just as surprised as everyone else,” Rodriguez stated, adjusting his oversized captain’s hat. “We thought it was a new tourist attraction—‘Come See the Tall Ship That Tried to Make Friends with a Bridge!’”
Eyewitnesses reported that the ship, named *The S.S. Oopsie Daisy*, was attempting to navigate the East River when it mistook the Brooklyn Bridge for a giant piñata. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to swing at that?” said local resident and self-proclaimed nautical expert, Bob “I Once Watched a Documentary” Johnson. “I thought it was a new trend in bridge decoration!”
The ship’s captain, Captain Salty McSea Legs, later explained, “We were just trying to get a better view of the skyline. I didn’t realize the bridge was a ‘no-sail zone.’” When asked about the lack of distress calls, McSea Legs shrugged and said, “We were too busy taking selfies for Instagram. #ShipHappens.”
Meanwhile, the Brooklyn Bridge has issued a statement, saying, “We’re fine, thank you very much. Just a little shaken, but we’ll bounce back. We’ve survived worse—like that time a pigeon tried to take us down.”
As the investigation continues, the Mexican Navy has promised to keep a closer eye on tall ships and their questionable navigation skills. “Next time, we’ll send a warning: ‘Don’t hit the bridge, it’s not a game of bumper cars!’” Rodriguez quipped, as he prepared to set sail for a taco stand.
Stay tuned for updates on this nautical fiasco, and remember folks, always check your GPS before trying to make friends with a bridge!
