**Mega Millions Winning Numbers Announced for Friday: Local Man Claims He Knew It All Along**
In a shocking turn of events, the Mega Millions winning numbers for this Friday have been announced, and local resident Bob “I’m Definitely Not a Psychic” Thompson is claiming he predicted them while eating a bowl of cereal. “I was just sitting there, spooning my Frosted Flakes, when suddenly the numbers popped into my head like a bad infomercial,” Bob stated, clearly still in disbelief. “I thought, ‘Wow, I should probably write these down… or just keep eating.’”
The winning numbers, 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, and the Mega Ball 42, have left many scratching their heads and wondering if they should have paid more attention to their fortune cookies. “I always knew my cookie was trying to tell me something,” said local conspiracy theorist and part-time cat whisperer, Linda “The Oracle” Jenkins. “It said, ‘You will find fortune in numbers,’ but I thought it was just about my grocery bill!”
Meanwhile, the Mega Millions office has reported an influx of calls from people claiming they had “a feeling” about the numbers. “We’ve had over 1,000 calls from people saying they knew it all along,” said Mega Millions spokesperson, Chuck “I’m Just Here for the Snacks” McGee. “Unfortunately, none of them have actually bought a ticket.”
As the dust settles and the confetti of dreams begins to clear, one thing is certain: Bob will be back at his kitchen table this Saturday, ready to predict the next winning numbers while simultaneously trying to figure out how to get his cat to stop judging him. “I’m just saying, if I win, I’m buying a yacht and naming it ‘The S.S. I Told You So,’” he added, as his cat rolled its eyes in disbelief.
Stay tuned for next week’s numbers, where we’ll be interviewing a psychic octopus who claims to have a better track record than Bob!
