Correction: The caption under the photo was improperly named Introvert Day, it should have been named Shush Day.
In a groundbreaking move that has left local coffee shop baristas speechless and awkwardly nodding, Mayor Timothée Brambleton of Lowertown has declared a new official holiday: “Shush Day,” dedicated to those who find the simple act of making small talk with strangers more taxing than a 10-hour meeting about insurance policies.
“We have official holidays for everything now,” Mayor Brambleton said at a press conference, his eyes darting nervously toward a reporter who had just asked about the weather. “National Pancake Day, National Ice Cream Sandwich Day—it’s time for a holiday that celebrates people who would rather keep their heads down and silently judge you from a distance.”
2nd Tuesday of Every Month deemed “Shush Day”
The holiday, which will be observed every second Tuesday of the month, is aimed at giving the introverted citizens of Lowertown a much-needed respite from the socially anxious demands of modern life.
“It’s like a vacation from… well, everyone,” said Rebecca Munson, 34, an accountant who once awkwardly avoided eye contact with a neighbor for six months. “Now, I can finally feel like it’s okay to hide behind my laptop screen without guilt.”
The announcement has been met with both approval and confusion from various factions of the public. “I don’t get it,” said local baker Jenny Pizzini. “Is it a day where people avoid talking to everyone or just people they don’t know? Because if I don’t talk to my regulars, I’ll go out of business.”
To clarify, the Mayor’s office issued a second statement this morning, which stated, “Please refrain from making eye contact with anyone you do not already know. This includes, but is not limited to, the barista who makes your coffee, the person in the elevator who might try to start a conversation about the weather, and that one neighbor who’s always asking if you’ve seen their cat. Especially don’t talk to those people.”
In an unexpected twist, local hermit Gerald “Skip” Henderson has voiced his disapproval of the holiday. “This is all a ploy to make me conform to society,” Henderson grumbled from the comfort of his backyard shed, which he refers to as “The Fortress of Solitude.” “I’ve been not talking to strangers for 20 years. I don’t need a special day for that. In fact, I’m planning to celebrate by not participating in Shush Day… by doing absolutely nothing.”
Experts in social behavior have weighed in on the new holiday. Dr. Ashley Clement, a noted sociologist and self-proclaimed “expert on avoiding human interaction,” called it a “genius move.” “It’s a societal breakthrough,” she said. “Imagine a world where you don’t have to say ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ to every random person you meet. It’s a chance to reclaim those 12 seconds of your life that you’ve lost to pleasantries.”
The Mayor has promised that, in future years, “Shush Day” will include more activities, such as silent parades, where participants can gather and silently judge each other from afar. “We’ll be providing ‘Do Not Disturb’ buttons, so you can signal when you need a personal space bubble,” Brambleton added with a grin.
So, whether you’re a seasoned non-conversationalist or just someone who prefers to avoid discussing the latest Netflix show with the person behind you in line, Shush Day might just be the holiday you never knew you needed—mostly because you probably don’t want to talk about it.
