**Marks & Spencer Estimates $400 Million Loss from Ongoing Cyberattack Disruptions: A Fashion Faux Pas of Epic Proportions**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the fashion world gasping for air (and perhaps a good cup of tea), Marks & Spencer has announced an estimated loss of $400 million due to ongoing cyberattacks. The British retail giant, known for its “trendy” socks and “exquisite” ready meals, has found itself in a digital pickle that even their finest cucumber sandwiches couldn’t fix.
“We thought we were just being hacked by a bunch of teenagers in their parents’ basements,” said M&S CEO, Sir Reginald Poshbottom, while sipping on a lukewarm Earl Grey. “Turns out, it was a sophisticated group of cybercriminals who were more interested in our secret scone recipes than our stock prices.”
The cyberattack has reportedly disrupted everything from online orders to the company’s beloved “Dine In for Two” meal deals. “I tried to order a chicken tikka masala, but instead, I got a lifetime supply of knitted tea cozies,” lamented local customer Doris Crumpet, 82. “I’m not sure how to feel about that. I mean, they’re lovely, but I only have so many teapots!”
In a bizarre twist, the hackers have demanded ransom in the form of M&S’s finest biscuits. “We’re not giving in to their demands,” declared Poshbottom. “We will not be held hostage by a bunch of biscuit bandits! We’ll fight back with our own range of ‘Cyber Cookies’—they’re gluten-free and come with a side of irony.”
Meanwhile, fashion experts are predicting a new trend: “Cyber Chic.” “It’s all the rage,” said fashionista Bella Trendsetter. “Imagine wearing a dress made entirely of firewalls and antivirus software. It’s edgy, it’s bold, and it’s definitely not something you’ll find in the M&S catalog anytime soon!”
As the cyberattack continues to wreak havoc, M&S has vowed to recover. “We’ll bounce back stronger than ever,” Poshbottom promised, “even if it means selling our soul to the biscuit overlords.”
In the meantime, shoppers are advised to stock up on their favorite items before the hackers decide to take over the entire inventory. After all, who wouldn’t want to be the proud owner of a limited-edition “Hacked by Cybercriminals” T-shirt?
