**Mark Cuban and Wyclef Jean to Lead Global Citizen’s Inaugural Detroit Summit on Urban Futures: A Match Made in… Well, Somewhere!**
In a shocking twist that has left the world scratching its collective head, billionaire entrepreneur Mark Cuban and hip-hop legend Wyclef Jean have been announced as the co-chairs for Global Citizen’s inaugural Detroit Summit on Urban Futures. The summit, which promises to tackle pressing urban issues like potholes, pizza delivery times, and the existential crisis of whether pineapple belongs on pizza, is set to take place in a location yet to be determined—rumor has it they’re still negotiating with a local taco truck.
Cuban, known for his role on “Shark Tank” and his uncanny ability to turn anything into a business opportunity, stated, “I’m excited to bring my expertise in investing to the table. I mean, who wouldn’t want to invest in a city that has more abandoned buildings than people?” Meanwhile, Wyclef, who is apparently still trying to figure out how to get his guitar through airport security, added, “I’m here to make urban futures sound good. If we can’t fix the roads, at least we can make them groove!”
The summit will feature a series of panels, including “How to Turn Your Neighborhood into a Reality Show” and “Urban Farming: Growing Kale in the Concrete Jungle.” Attendees can also look forward to a keynote speech from local celebrity and self-proclaimed “Mayor of Detroit” Bob “The Builder” McGee, who once fixed a pothole with nothing but duct tape and a dream.
In a bizarre twist, the event will also include a live performance by Wyclef, who promises to debut his new hit single, “Potholes and Heartbreaks.” “It’s a love letter to the city,” he explained. “And also a warning to watch your step.”
As the world gears up for this unprecedented summit, one thing is clear: if anyone can turn urban despair into a dance party, it’s Mark Cuban and Wyclef Jean. Just don’t ask them to fix your Wi-Fi.
