**Man Sentenced to Prison for Attempted Carjacking at Sotomayor’s Home: A Case of Bad Timing and Worse Choices**
In a bizarre twist of fate that could only happen in the land of the free, a man was sentenced to five years in prison for attempting to carjack a vehicle parked outside the home of Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor. The incident, which took place last Tuesday, has left legal experts scratching their heads and comedians rolling on the floor.
Witnesses reported that the would-be carjacker, identified as “Derek ‘The Dreamer’ McGee,” approached Sotomayor’s driveway with all the stealth of a hippo in a tutu. “I thought I was just borrowing it for a quick joyride,” McGee later claimed in court, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to drive a car that’s been blessed by a Supreme Court Justice? It’s practically a holy vehicle!”
Sotomayor, who was reportedly inside binge-watching her favorite legal dramas, was alerted to the commotion when her neighbor, Mrs. Gladys “The Gossip” Thompson, shouted, “Hey! That’s not your car, you knucklehead!” McGee, clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed, responded, “I thought it was a community car! You know, like a library book!”
Legal analysts are now debating whether McGee’s defense of “misguided enthusiasm” could set a precedent for future carjacking cases. “If he had just asked nicely, he might have gotten a ride-along,” said Professor Larry “The Law” Jenkins, who specializes in absurd legal defenses. “I mean, who wouldn’t want to take a spin with a Supreme Court Justice? It’s like a VIP tour of democracy!”
As McGee was led away in handcuffs, he shouted, “I’ll be back! Next time, I’ll bring cookies!” His dreams of a Supreme Court joyride may be dashed, but his legacy as the world’s most misguided car enthusiast will live on—at least until the next headline-grabbing escapade comes along.
