In a shocking turn of events, libraries across the nation have decided to embrace a radical new approach to their services following former President Trump’s directive to dismantle small agencies. In a move that can only be described as “minimalism meets chaos,” libraries are slashing staff and services faster than you can say “Dewey Decimal System.”
“Why have 10 librarians when you can have one very confused intern?” quipped Mildred Bookworm, the head librarian at the now-legendary “Library of the Lost and Found” in Omaha. “We’re going for a more ‘hands-off’ approach. If you can’t find the book, it’s probably because it’s hiding from you.”
In a bid to streamline operations, many libraries have replaced their extensive collections with a single shelf of “Best of the Worst” books, featuring titles like *How to Win Friends and Influence People* and *The Art of War*—the latter being a popular choice for patrons looking to settle disputes over overdue fines.
“Honestly, we’re just trying to keep up with the times,” said Chad “The Bookinator” McReaderson, a self-proclaimed library consultant. “If people want to read, they can just download an app. Who needs physical books when you can have a digital library that crashes every five minutes?”
In a bold move, some libraries have even introduced a “Book Roulette” system, where patrons spin a wheel to determine which book they’ll be forced to check out. “It’s like a surprise party, but with more existential dread,” said local patron and aspiring author, Jane Doe.
As libraries continue to embrace this new era of “less is more,” one thing is clear: the future of reading is looking as bright as a dimly lit corner of a deserted library. So grab your magnifying glass and prepare for a wild ride through the world of minimalism—just don’t expect any help finding your way!
