**Leadership Changes Ahead at ICE and Homeland Security Investigations, Sources Reveal**
In a shocking twist that has left the nation scratching its collective head, sources close to the Department of Homeland Security have revealed that major leadership changes are on the horizon for ICE and Homeland Security Investigations. Rumor has it that the new leadership will be comprised entirely of cats, a move that has left many scratching their heads—mostly because they’re allergic to cats.
“Cats are natural leaders,” said a source who wished to remain anonymous but was definitely not a cat. “They’re aloof, they nap a lot, and they have a knack for ignoring people when they’re trying to get their attention. It’s basically the perfect skill set for government work!”
In a press conference that was mostly just a series of meows, the newly appointed feline leader, Chairman Whiskers McFluff, stated, “We will be implementing a new policy of ‘Paws and Reflect’ to ensure that all decisions are made with the utmost care and a healthy dose of napping.”
Meanwhile, former ICE Director, Bob “The Iceberg” Johnson, was last seen trying to negotiate a peace treaty with a particularly feisty tabby. “I thought I was getting promoted to a cushy desk job,” he lamented. “But now I’m just a human in a world of cats. I’m not even sure if I’m still employed!”
In a related development, the Department of Homeland Security has announced a new initiative called “Operation Catnip,” aimed at distracting potential threats with laser pointers and feather toys. “It’s all about keeping the peace,” said Deputy Director Fluffy Paws, who is also a cat. “If we can keep everyone entertained, maybe they won’t notice the chaos around them.”
As the nation braces for these unprecedented changes, one thing is clear: the future of ICE and Homeland Security Investigations is looking furrier than ever. Stay tuned for updates, or just follow the nearest cat. They seem to know what’s going on.
