**Justice Department Drops Biden-Era Police Lawsuits: Minneapolis and Louisville Celebrate with Confetti and Cake**
In a shocking turn of events that has left both Minneapolis and Louisville scratching their heads, the Justice Department has decided to drop several lawsuits against police departments in these cities, citing a newfound commitment to “letting bygones be bygones” and “not wanting to ruin anyone’s day.”
Attorney General Merrick Garland, in a press conference that was more like a stand-up routine, quipped, “We realized that lawsuits are just like bad relationships—sometimes it’s better to just ghost them and move on.” He then proceeded to juggle three rubber chickens while balancing on a unicycle, leaving reporters both confused and mildly entertained.
Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, who was busy trying to figure out how to pronounce “defund,” expressed his delight: “This is great news! Now we can focus on more important things, like figuring out how to make our potholes look like art installations.” Meanwhile, Louisville’s Mayor Craig “The Cake Boss” Greenberg announced a city-wide celebration, complete with a cake shaped like a police badge. “We’re calling it ‘Justice is Sweet,’” he said, while icing the cake with a giant tube of frosting that read, “No More Lawsuits!”
Local resident and self-proclaimed “expert on everything,” Betty Lou Pickles, chimed in, “I think this is a great idea! Who needs accountability when you can have a good time? I mean, have you tried the new donut shop downtown? It’s to die for!”
As the confetti rained down and the cake was served, one thing was clear: in the world of politics, sometimes it’s just easier to drop the lawsuits and pick up a slice of cake. After all, who needs justice when you have frosting?
