**Judge Orders Trump Administration to Restore $11 Billion in Public Health Funding: “We Can’t Just Let People Get Healthy!”**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both amused and bewildered, a federal judge has ordered the Trump administration to restore $11 billion in public health funding, prompting a flurry of reactions that can only be described as “delightfully absurd.”
“Honestly, I thought we were just going to let everyone fend for themselves with essential oils and motivational quotes,” said Judge L. O. L. McGuffin, who presided over the case. “But apparently, people actually want things like vaccines and clean water. Who knew?”
The ruling comes after a group of health advocates, led by the ever-enthusiastic Dr. Ima Quack, argued that cutting public health funding was akin to “throwing a party without snacks.” Dr. Quack, who is known for her groundbreaking research on the health benefits of kale smoothies, stated, “You can’t just expect people to be healthy while they’re busy Googling their symptoms and self-diagnosing with WebMD. That’s a recipe for disaster!”
In response to the ruling, former President Trump tweeted, “$11 billion? That’s a lot of money! I could buy a lot of golf courses with that! But hey, if it keeps people from getting sick, I guess I’ll just have to settle for my private island in the Bahamas.”
Meanwhile, Secretary of Health and Human Services, Dr. Phil McCracken, expressed his disbelief: “I thought we were doing a great job with our ‘Let Them Eat Cake’ health policy. Apparently, people prefer actual healthcare. Who knew?”
As the administration scrambles to comply with the ruling, sources say they are considering a new initiative called “Operation Health-ify,” which will involve sending out motivational posters and free samples of kale chips to every household in America.
In the meantime, the nation waits with bated breath to see if the Trump administration will embrace this unexpected twist in the saga of public health funding or if they’ll just continue to rely on the healing power of positive thinking. Stay tuned!
