**Breaking News: Judge in Fox News-Dominion Defamation Trial Declares, “The Parties Have Resolved Their Case” – With a Game of Rock-Paper-Scissors!**
In a shocking turn of events, the judge presiding over the Fox News-Dominion defamation trial announced today that the parties have resolved their case in a manner that can only be described as “extremely 2023.” Instead of a lengthy deliberation, the judge suggested a high-stakes game of Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle the matter once and for all.
“Honestly, I was just tired of hearing about voting machines and fake news,” Judge Judy McGavel said, adjusting her glasses. “So I thought, why not let them duke it out like children on a playground? It’s more entertaining, and frankly, I could use a laugh.”
Witnesses reported that the courtroom erupted into chaos as lawyers from both sides began practicing their hand gestures, with one particularly ambitious attorney attempting to incorporate a “double rock” move. “I thought it was a bold strategy,” said a court reporter, “but it turns out it’s just a way to lose your job.”
In a surprising twist, Fox News’ legal team claimed they had a secret weapon: a “super paper” that could allegedly cover any rock thrown their way. Dominion’s lawyers, however, countered with a “scissors of truth,” which they claimed could cut through any misinformation. “We’re just glad we didn’t have to bring in a referee,” said Dominion’s lead attorney, who was last seen practicing his victory dance.
As the courtroom buzzed with anticipation, the judge finally called for silence. “On the count of three,” she said, “let’s see who gets to keep their reputation intact!” The tension was palpable as the courtroom held its breath, and in a shocking twist, both parties threw paper, resulting in a tie.
“Looks like we’re going to need a rematch,” Judge McGavel declared, “but first, let’s order some pizza. This is going to take a while.”
As the trial continues to unfold, one thing is clear: in the world of high-stakes litigation, sometimes the best resolution is just a game of chance—and a whole lot of carbs.
