**Joey Urban’s 5 RBIs Propel Southern Mississippi to Victory Over Miami, Setting Up Deciding Game in Hattiesburg: A Tale of Triumph and Tater Tots**
In a stunning display of athletic prowess that left fans questioning their life choices, Joey Urban racked up five RBIs, leading the Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles to a 12-3 victory over the Miami Hurricanes. The game, which experts are calling “the most exciting thing to happen in Hattiesburg since the Great Corn Dog Festival of 2019,” has set the stage for a deciding game that promises to be more dramatic than a soap opera featuring a love triangle between a cat, a toaster, and a confused raccoon.
Urban, who was last seen trying to convince his grandma that he was a professional athlete and not just “that kid who eats all the snacks,” was quoted saying, “I just wanted to hit the ball harder than my mom hits the snooze button in the morning.” His five RBIs were so impressive that even the scoreboard started taking notes.
Meanwhile, Miami’s coach, “Hurricane” Hank McFlurry, was left scratching his head and his increasingly thinning hair. “We came here to play baseball, not to get schooled by a guy named Joey. I thought we were playing against a pizza delivery guy!” he lamented, while simultaneously trying to figure out how to order a pizza in Hattiesburg.
As the teams prepare for the deciding game, local businesses are cashing in on the hype. “We’ve got t-shirts that say ‘I Survived the Joey Urban Experience’ and ‘Hattiesburg: Where Dreams and Tater Tots Come True,’” said local entrepreneur and self-proclaimed “Tater Tot Tycoon,” Billy Bob Spudman.
With the stakes higher than a squirrel on a power line, fans are gearing up for what promises to be a showdown of epic proportions. “I just hope Joey doesn’t get distracted by the nachos in the stands,” said die-hard fan and part-time fortune teller, Crystal Ballington. “If he does, we’re toast!”
As the countdown to the deciding game begins, one thing is clear: whether you’re a fan of Southern Mississippi or just in it for the nachos, this showdown is bound to be more thrilling than a rollercoaster designed by a toddler. Buckle up, Hattiesburg!
