Biden
In a moment that left the White House press corps collectively biting their lips to stifle laughter, President Joe Biden publicly admitted Wednesday that he initially believed TikTok was a clock repair app. The revelation came during a press conference where Biden announced his intention to “un-ban” the app, a move that baffled both his aides and, presumably, TikTok’s servers.
“I was sitting there, you know, trying to fix this old cuckoo clock Jill has in the kitchen,” Biden began, gesturing as if he were pulling invisible gears from the air. “And someone told me, ‘Hey, Joe, get TikTok.’ So, I’m thinking, ‘Great, a bunch of clock-smiths in an app! Finally, some innovation in America!'”
Biden’s misunderstanding reportedly began in late 2020, during a heated dinner-table discussion on national security concerns surrounding the app. According to an unnamed source (who may or may not be a White House janitor), Biden leaned over to then-candidate Kamala Harris and whispered, “You think they can fix my grandfather’s pocket watch? It’s been running slow since ‘38.” Harris, perhaps mistaking this as a metaphor for the sluggish economy, nodded encouragingly.
A Revelation for the Ages
Fast-forward to 2025, when the President finally “got around” to downloading TikTok, only to discover an endless parade of viral dances, lip-syncing teenagers, and oddly satisfying videos of soap being carved into cubes. According to Biden, he spent his first two hours on the app waiting for a clock repair tutorial to load.
“I kept scrolling and scrolling,” Biden recounted, his voice tinged with frustration. “I said to Jill, ‘Where the heck are the clocks? All I see are kids flossing and some guy putting rubber bands on a watermelon until it explodes. Is this what they call modern craftsmanship?’”
After staff explained TikTok’s true purpose, Biden allegedly had an epiphany. “It’s not about fixing clocks,” he said. “It’s about fixing hearts—bringing people together with laughter, music, and questionable life choices. And that’s when I thought, maybe I’ve been too hard on it.”
Biden’s Plan to “Un-Ban” TikTok
In the same press conference, Biden announced his intention to reverse his ban on TikTok in the United States, a policy he described as “a little hasty” and “based on a misunderstanding of what an algorithm actually is.”, only to find that he is a lame duck and doesn’t even have the power to get up out of his armchair during naptime, let alone reverse an Executive Order.
“When I heard ‘algorithms,’ I thought they were some kinds of invasive species,” Biden admitted. “Turns out, it’s just math. Who knew?”
Biden outlined his “un-ban” strategy, which includes inviting TikTok influencers to the White House for a summit. Early reports suggest the guest list may feature Charli D’Amelio, a man who makes realistic cake replicas of everyday objects, and a pug named Winston with a penchant for wearing tiny hats.
“This is how we connect with the youth,” Biden explained. “These kids are out there doing dances like… uh, what’s it called? The Slappy Slap? The Funky Chicken Shuffle? Whatever it is, it’s good for democracy.”
TikTok Responds
Representatives from TikTok released a statement expressing both gratitude and mild confusion over the President’s comments. “While we’re thrilled President Biden enjoys our platform, we’d like to clarify that we do not offer clock repair services. However, we’d be happy to create a trending hashtag, #FixJoe’sClock, to assist him in finding a professional.”
In a gesture of goodwill, TikTok also uploaded a 15-second video tutorial titled “How to Wind a Cuckoo Clock,” featuring a teenager in sunglasses dancing to “Old Town Road.”
The Internet Reacts
Naturally, the internet wasted no time turning Biden’s admission into a meme. Twitter erupted with hashtags like #GrandpaJoe and #ClockTok, while TikTok itself saw a surge in clock-themed content. One particularly popular video featured a user pretending to “repair” a grandfather clock by teaching it the Renegade dance.
Even late-night hosts joined the fray. “It’s comforting to know that our Commander-in-Chief thought TikTok was a place to fix clocks,” quipped Jimmy Fallon. “Next thing you know, he’ll think DoorDash delivers doors.”
Final Thoughts
As Biden wrapped up his remarks, he appeared optimistic about his new relationship with TikTok. “Look, folks, this app isn’t about clocks. It’s about time. Time we all spend together, watching dogs wearing sunglasses and kids falling off skateboards. That’s the real American dream.”
The President then attempted a TikTok dance move on stage, which White House staff later described as a “valiant effort” but one that led to the podium being knocked over. Video of the incident, naturally, went viral within minutes.
In the end, Biden’s TikTok saga serves as a poignant reminder of the generational divide in America—and of the fact that sometimes, even presidents need to read the app description before banning them.
