**‘It Got Everything’: Oklahoma Residents Who Escaped Fires Brace for Losses**
In a shocking turn of events, Oklahoma residents are now facing the aftermath of wildfires that have left them with little more than the clothes on their backs and a deep-seated desire to never again underestimate the power of a rogue spark. “It got everything,” lamented local resident Earl “Flame On” Johnson, who lost his prized collection of lawn flamingos. “I thought they were fireproof! Turns out, they’re just really good at being tacky.”
As the smoke clears, residents are left to sift through the ashes of their former lives, which, according to local gossip, included a suspiciously large number of inflatable pool toys. “I had a whole family of flamingos, a unicorn, and a giant slice of pizza,” said Betty Lou, who is now considering a career in fire safety education. “I guess I’ll have to settle for a boring old garden gnome now.”
Local officials are doing their best to provide support, with one fire chief stating, “We’re here to help. Just remember, if you see flames, it’s probably not a good time to roast marshmallows.” Meanwhile, the local fire department has launched a new campaign: “Stop, Drop, and Roll… Your Eyes at Your Neighbors’ Bad Decisions.”
In a bizarre twist, the local wildlife has taken advantage of the chaos. “I’ve never seen so many raccoons in my life,” said Earl, who is now convinced they’re plotting a takeover. “They’re like little bandits, but with better taste in snacks.”
As Oklahoma residents brace for losses, they’re also preparing for the inevitable insurance claims. “I’m just hoping they cover my emotional distress over losing my inflatable pizza,” Betty Lou added. “I mean, who wouldn’t be heartbroken over that?”
In the end, while the fires may have taken their possessions, they’ve also ignited a sense of community and a newfound appreciation for non-flammable decor. “Next time, I’m going with all metal lawn ornaments,” Earl declared. “At least they won’t melt into a puddle of regret.”
