**Inside Trump’s ‘Beautiful’ 1,000-Page Bill: Key Highlights and Insights**
In a move that has left political analysts scratching their heads and comedians rolling in the aisles, former President Donald Trump has unveiled his latest masterpiece: a 1,000-page bill titled “The Beautiful Bill of Beautiful Things.” According to sources close to the former president, the bill is “the most beautiful legislation ever written, believe me,” and it promises to make America great again—again.
Key highlights of the bill include a provision for a national “Make America Gravy Again” day, where citizens are encouraged to pour gravy on everything from turkey to their neighbor’s cat. “Gravy is the glue that holds our great nation together,” Trump reportedly said during a press conference, while holding a ladle like it was the Holy Grail.
The bill also proposes a new currency: the “Trump Dollar,” which is backed by the value of his hair products. “It’s going to be huge,” said Melania Trump, who was seen nodding vigorously while trying to figure out how to pronounce “cryptocurrency.”
In a shocking twist, the bill mandates that all future presidential debates be held in a wrestling ring, complete with a referee and a “no holds barred” rule. “I can’t wait to see Biden in a headlock,” said Trump supporter and self-proclaimed wrestling expert, Chuck “The Grappler” McGee.
Perhaps the most controversial aspect of the bill is the introduction of a new national anthem, which is simply a 10-minute loop of Trump singing “You’re So Vain” while riding a golden elephant. “It’s a tribute to all the people who’ve ever doubted me,” Trump explained, “and also to my favorite song.”
As the nation braces for the inevitable chaos that will ensue from this legislative juggernaut, one thing is clear: whether you love him or hate him, Trump’s “Beautiful Bill” is sure to be the most entertaining read since the last time you accidentally opened your spam folder.
