**Infant Found Dead with Dog Bites Not Victim of Puppy Attack, Officials Say**
In a shocking twist that has left the nation scratching its head and furrowing its brows, local authorities have confirmed that an infant found dead with dog bites was not, in fact, the victim of a puppy attack. “We’ve ruled out any involvement from the local dog park’s ‘Puppy Playdate’,” said Chief Barkley Woofington of the Canine Crime Unit. “This was clearly a case of mistaken identity. The baby was just really, really popular with the neighborhood dogs.”
Witnesses reported seeing a pack of golden retrievers and a particularly enthusiastic pug gathered around the infant, but officials insist that the dogs were merely trying to “give the baby a warm welcome.” Local dog owner and self-proclaimed “Paw-sitive Influencer,” Fido McBarkface, stated, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to snuggle a baby? They’re like the ultimate chew toy, but with more giggles!”
In a bizarre turn of events, the investigation revealed that the infant was actually the victim of a rogue squirrel gang, known for their acorn smuggling and occasional baby-napping. “We’ve seen this before,” said Squirrel Squad leader Nutty McNutface. “Babies are just so… squishy. It’s hard to resist!”
As the community grapples with this shocking revelation, local parents are advised to keep their babies away from both dogs and squirrels. “We’re just trying to keep our kids safe,” said concerned mom, Karen McOverprotective. “Next thing you know, they’ll be trying to hug a raccoon!”
In the end, the only real victim here seems to be the truth, which has been buried under a pile of puppy love and nutty antics. Stay tuned for more updates as this tail continues to wag!
