**Indy 500 Sells Out for the First Time in Nearly a Decade, Anticipating 350,000 Fans: Local Squirrel Community in Panic**
In a shocking turn of events, the Indianapolis 500 has officially sold out for the first time in nearly a decade, with an anticipated 350,000 fans ready to descend upon the hallowed grounds of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. Local wildlife, particularly the squirrel community, is reportedly in a state of panic, fearing for their acorn stash as the human stampede approaches.
“I’ve never seen so many humans in one place since the Great Hot Dog Incident of 2015,” said local squirrel leader Nutty McNutface. “We’re just trying to enjoy our nuts in peace, and now we have to dodge 350,000 people? It’s a nutty situation!”
The sellout comes after years of dwindling attendance, which some attribute to the rise of competitive couch-sitting and the popularity of watching paint dry on TikTok. “I used to go to the Indy 500 every year,” said self-proclaimed racing aficionado Bob “The Couch” Johnson. “But then I discovered that I could watch cars go in circles from the comfort of my own home while eating nachos. It’s a win-win!”
Race organizers are thrilled about the sellout, with CEO Speedy McFastface stating, “We’re excited to welcome 350,000 fans! We’ve even hired extra security to keep the squirrels at bay. They’re crafty little critters, and we can’t have them stealing the show—or the nachos!”
In a bizarre twist, the event has also attracted a new demographic: the “Squirrel Watchers,” a group of enthusiasts who plan to document the squirrels’ reactions to the human invasion. “We’re calling it ‘Squirrel-lympics,’” said self-proclaimed squirrel expert Dr. Acorn McFluff. “We’ll be judging them on agility, speed, and how well they can dodge nacho cheese.”
As the countdown to race day begins, one thing is clear: the Indy 500 is not just about fast cars anymore; it’s about fast squirrels, nachos, and a whole lot of chaos. Buckle up, folks—this is going to be one wild ride!
