**HHS Criticizes ‘Under-Tested’ mRNA Technology Amid Trump’s Funding Cuts to Moderna Vaccine: A Comedy of Errors**
In a shocking turn of events that has left scientists scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists high-fiving in their basements, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has officially criticized the “under-tested” mRNA technology that powered the Moderna vaccine. This comes right after former President Donald Trump decided to cut funding to the company, claiming he was “saving money for a new golf course” and “the vaccine was just a fancy flu shot anyway.”
Dr. Ima Quack, a self-proclaimed expert in “alternative vaccine solutions,” stated, “I’ve been saying it for years! mRNA is just a fancy way of saying ‘magic potion.’ If it doesn’t come in a glass bottle with a cork, I’m not interested!” Quack went on to suggest that the government should invest in “good old-fashioned chicken soup” instead, which she claims has “cured everything from the common cold to existential dread.”
Meanwhile, Trump, in a recent rally, declared, “I love Moderna, but I love my golf game more. Besides, who needs a vaccine when you can just drink bleach? I heard it works wonders!” This statement was met with a mix of laughter and horror, as attendees wondered if they should bring their own disinfectant to the next rally.
In response to the HHS’s concerns, Moderna’s CEO, Stéphane Bancel, released a statement saying, “We’re not under-tested; we’re just ‘over-enthusiastic.’ It’s like when you try a new recipe and accidentally set the kitchen on fire. Sure, it’s a little risky, but the results can be delicious!”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: whether it’s mRNA technology or chicken soup, the only thing we can truly count on is that the next round of funding cuts will probably be for the “Underwater Basket Weaving” program. After all, who needs vaccines when you can weave your way to health?
