**Harvard Strips Professor of Tenure Over Uncommon Data Manipulation Claims**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the academic world reeling, Harvard University has officially stripped Professor Mortimer P. Quibble of his tenure after allegations surfaced that he manipulated data in a way that can only be described as “uncommon” and “borderline absurd.”
The scandal erupted when Quibble, a self-proclaimed “data wizard” and part-time magician, presented a research paper titled “The Correlation Between Cat Videos and Global Warming.” Critics were quick to point out that his data was not only fabricated but also included a pie chart made entirely of actual pie. “I thought it was a delicious way to present my findings,” Quibble defended himself. “Who doesn’t love pie?”
Harvard’s Dean of Absurdity, Dr. Ima Jester, stated, “We’ve seen some questionable research in our time, but this takes the cake—or should I say pie? We simply cannot allow such a blatant disregard for academic integrity. Plus, we’re on a strict no-pie policy after last year’s ‘Great Pie Incident.’”
In a bizarre twist, Quibble claimed that his data was “actually a metaphor for the human condition.” When asked to elaborate, he simply replied, “You wouldn’t understand; it’s a PhD-level concept.”
Students have rallied behind Quibble, launching a “Free the Pie” campaign, complete with T-shirts and a GoFundMe to support his next research project: “The Impact of Pizza on Student Grades.”
As for Quibble, he remains optimistic. “I’m just one tenure away from being a full-time YouTube star,” he quipped. “And I hear cat videos are trending!”
In the meantime, Harvard is reportedly considering a new policy: “No more pie charts, unless they’re edible.”
