**GOP Senator Calls for FBI Investigation into Biden Administration’s Vetting of Boulder Terror Suspect: ‘Under Attack’**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both bewildered and mildly amused, GOP Senator Chuck “Not the Cheese” McMuffin has called for a full FBI investigation into the Biden Administration’s vetting process of the Boulder terror suspect. McMuffin, who is known for his passionate speeches and his collection of novelty ties, claims that the vetting process is “under attack”—much like his last attempt at a TikTok dance challenge.
“Look, folks, if we can’t trust the vetting process, what can we trust?” McMuffin exclaimed at a press conference held in front of a local donut shop. “I mean, I can’t even trust my own barber to give me a decent haircut! And I’m pretty sure he’s not a terrorist!”
The senator went on to suggest that the Biden Administration’s vetting process might be as effective as a screen door on a submarine. “I mean, if they can let a guy named ‘Boulder’ slip through the cracks, what’s next? A guy named ‘Rocky’?” he added, shaking his head in disbelief.
In a bizarre twist, McMuffin also proposed that the FBI should conduct background checks on all future suspects using a new app called “Suspect or Not?” which he claims is “like Tinder, but for criminals.” He assured reporters that the app would feature a “swipe left” option for anyone with a suspiciously high number of cat photos.
Meanwhile, the Biden Administration responded with a statement that read, “We take vetting very seriously. In fact, we’ve just hired a team of psychic octopuses to help us with future assessments. They’re very good at reading vibes.”
As the investigation unfolds, one thing is clear: the only thing more entertaining than the political circus is the clowns running it. Stay tuned for more updates, and remember, folks—always vet your senators before they vet your suspects!
