**GOP Momentum Builds for New House Committee to Investigate Biden Decline ‘Cover-Up’**
In a stunning turn of events that has left political analysts scratching their heads and conspiracy theorists polishing their tinfoil hats, the GOP has announced plans to form a new House committee dedicated to investigating what they are calling the “Biden Decline Cover-Up.” The committee, which will be affectionately dubbed the “Biden Blunder Busters,” aims to uncover the truth behind the President’s alleged descent into a state of perpetual confusion.
“Look, we all know Joe Biden is just a few steps away from mistaking a podium for a urinal,” said Rep. Chuck “The Conspiracy” McFumble (R-Nowhere). “But we need to get to the bottom of this. Is it age? Is it the ice cream? Or is it a secret government plot involving squirrels?”
The committee will reportedly consist of some of the brightest minds in the GOP, including Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who has promised to bring her extensive knowledge of lizard people and time travel to the table. “I’ve seen things, folks,” Greene stated while wearing a tinfoil hat adorned with blinking lights. “And I can tell you, this is bigger than just Biden forgetting where he parked his bike.”
In a recent press conference, House Speaker Kevin McCarthy announced the committee’s first order of business: a thorough investigation into Biden’s favorite ice cream flavors. “We need to know if there’s a connection between his love for mint chocolate chip and his inability to remember what day it is,” McCarthy declared, while holding up a pint of the suspiciously green dessert.
Critics have pointed out that this new committee might be a distraction from pressing issues like inflation and healthcare. But GOP members are undeterred. “If we can’t solve the mystery of Biden’s brain fog, how can we expect to tackle the real problems?” said Rep. Linda “The Logical” Nonsense. “Plus, it’s a great way to keep the cameras rolling!”
As the Biden Blunder Busters prepare to launch their investigation, one thing is clear: the only thing more confusing than Biden’s speeches is the GOP’s strategy to investigate them. Stay tuned for updates as this story develops—assuming anyone can remember what they were investigating in the first place!
