**Giuliani Honors Best Friend Bernie Kerik as a ‘True Patriot’: ‘My Life is Richer for Knowing Him’**
In a heartwarming ceremony that could only be described as a “bromance for the ages,” former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani took a break from his busy schedule of dodging legal troubles to honor his best friend, Bernie Kerik, as a “True Patriot.” The event, held in the back of a pizza joint that also doubles as a law office, was attended by a select group of friends, family, and a bewildered delivery driver who accidentally wandered in.
“Bernie is the kind of guy who would give you the shirt off his back—unless it’s a designer shirt, in which case, he’d probably sell it on eBay,” Giuliani quipped, wiping a tear from his eye. “My life is richer for knowing him, mostly because he’s always willing to lend me a few bucks when I’m short.”
Kerik, who once served as the New York City Police Commissioner and is now a full-time patriot and part-time reality TV star, accepted the award with a speech that was equal parts heartfelt and confusing. “I always knew I was a true patriot,” he said, “but I didn’t realize it until Rudy told me. I thought it was just the extra-large American flag tattoo on my back.”
The highlight of the evening was when Giuliani presented Kerik with a trophy shaped like a bald eagle wearing sunglasses, which he claimed was “the highest honor a man can receive outside of a reality show contract.”
As the night wore on, the duo reminisced about their wild adventures, including the time they tried to start a podcast called “Two Guys, One Constitution,” which was promptly canceled after the first episode due to “technical difficulties” (read: they forgot to hit record).
In a final toast, Giuliani raised his glass and declared, “To Bernie! May our friendship be as unbreakable as the laws we’ve allegedly bent!” The crowd erupted in laughter, while the delivery driver quietly slipped out the back door, probably to file a police report.
As the evening concluded, one thing was clear: in the world of politics, friendship is the only thing more questionable than their legal advice.
