**Girls’ Track Athletes Omitted from Podium Alongside Trans Competitor at Oregon State Championship: A New Era of Inclusivity or Just a Really Awkward Family Reunion?**
In a groundbreaking turn of events at the Oregon State Championship, girls’ track athletes found themselves mysteriously omitted from the podium alongside a trans competitor, sparking a debate that has left everyone scratching their heads—and possibly their backs, too.
“I thought I was going to get a medal, but instead, I got a participation trophy for showing up,” lamented 16-year-old Sarah “Speedy” Thompson, who was last seen trying to convince her mom that “just being there” counts as a win. “I mean, I ran so fast I almost broke the sound barrier. But apparently, that’s not enough to share a podium with someone who identifies as a cheetah.”
The event organizers, who were last spotted sipping kale smoothies and discussing the merits of gender fluidity, claimed that the decision was made to promote “unity and inclusivity.” “We wanted to create a space where everyone feels like a winner,” said event coordinator and self-proclaimed ‘Track Guru’ Chad “The Flash” McGee. “Besides, we ran out of podium space. Have you seen how big those trophies are?”
Meanwhile, local parents were left in a state of confusion. “I just wanted to see my daughter get a medal,” said Karen “I Want to Speak to the Manager” Johnson. “Now I’m not sure if I should be proud or just start a petition to bring back the good old days when podiums were for winners, not just for people who identify as winners.”
As the dust settles on this controversial podium debacle, one thing is clear: the only thing faster than the girls on the track is the speed at which social media is blowing up with memes of confused athletes and podiums that look like they’re auditioning for a role in a circus.
In the end, the girls may not have made it to the podium, but they certainly won the gold in the race for the most bewildered expressions. And as for the podium? It’s now officially on the market as a “multi-purpose platform for all identities.” Bidding starts at $5,000, or a lifetime supply of kale smoothies.
