**Giant Loggerhead Sea Turtle Receives Oversized CT Scan After Boat Collision, Revealing Surprising Findings**
In a shocking turn of events that has left marine biologists scratching their heads and boaters questioning their life choices, a giant loggerhead sea turtle named “Shelly McShellface” underwent an oversized CT scan after a minor collision with a fishing boat off the coast of Florida. The scan, which was conducted using a specially designed CT machine that could only be described as “the size of a small house,” revealed some rather unexpected findings.
Dr. Finn Turtleneck, the lead marine biologist at the Sea Turtle Institute of Advanced Studies, stated, “We were just hoping to check for injuries, but what we found was astonishing. Shelly has a collection of seashells in her stomach that would make any beachcomber weep with envy. It’s like she’s been hoarding them for a future yard sale!”
The scan also revealed that Shelly had a surprising amount of plastic straws lodged in her digestive tract, leading environmentalists to speculate that she might be the world’s first eco-friendly straw collector. “I always knew she had a flair for interior design,” said local beachgoer Sandy Shores. “I mean, who doesn’t want a straw chandelier?”
In a bizarre twist, the CT scan also uncovered a hidden talent: Shelly is an aspiring stand-up comedian. “I’ve been working on my material for a while,” she reportedly said through a translator. “Why did the crab never share his food? Because he was a little shellfish!”
As Shelly recovers from her oversized scan, she has been placed on a strict diet of seaweed and organic kale, much to her dismay. “I just wanted a pizza,” she lamented. “Is that too much to ask for?”
In the meantime, the fishing boat involved in the collision has been renamed “The Shelly McShellface Express,” and its captain, Bob “The Boat Whisperer” Johnson, has vowed to take up turtle yoga to improve his boating skills. “I just wanted to catch some fish, not a giant turtle,” he said, shaking his head. “But hey, at least I got a good story out of it!”
As for Shelly, she’s now a local celebrity, with her own Instagram account and a growing fanbase. “I’m just a turtle trying to make it in this crazy world,” she quipped. “And if I can make people laugh while doing it, then I guess I’m winning!”
