WiFi in Haunted Houses
In a shocking turn of spectral events, ghosts residing in haunted houses across the nation have begun to demand Wi-Fi access, leaving homeowners and paranormal investigators alike scratching their heads—and possibly their gravestones. Reports indicate that these ethereal entities are no longer satisfied with merely haunting the living; they want to stream their favorite shows, post on social media, and, of course, haunt with high-speed internet.
“I used to think the afterlife was all about scaring people and rattling chains,” lamented Geraldine, a 200-year-old ghost who haunts the old Whitmore estate. “But have you tried binge-watching ‘Ghost Hunters’ on dial-up? It’s a nightmare! I can’t even buffer my own haunting!”
The demand for Wi-Fi has reached a fever pitch, with many ghosts taking to social media to voice their frustrations. A recent tweet from @SpookySpecter read, “If I can’t stream ‘The Haunting of Hill House’ in my own haunted house, what’s the point of being dead? #GhostLife #WiFiOrDie.”
Ghost Hunters
Local ghost hunters are feeling the pressure as well. “I used to just bring my EMF meter and a Ouija board,” said paranormal investigator Chuck “The Ghost Whisperer” Thompson. “Now I have to pack a portable router and a subscription to Netflix. It’s getting out of hand! Last week, I was chased out of a haunted mansion by a ghost demanding I set up a hotspot. I barely escaped with my life—and my data plan.”
In a bizarre twist, some ghosts have even begun to form unions to negotiate better internet access. The newly formed Ghostly Internet Workers Union (GIWU) is demanding that all haunted houses provide at least 100 Mbps of Wi-Fi speed, along with unlimited data. “We’re tired of being treated like second-class phantoms,” said union spokesperson Boo-bert. “We deserve to haunt in high definition!”
Homeowners are understandably concerned. “I just wanted to sell my house, not become a Wi-Fi provider for the undead,” said Martha Jenkins, who recently discovered her home was haunted by a particularly tech-savvy ghost named Fred. “He keeps asking me for the password, and I’m like, ‘Dude, you’ve been dead since 1923! How do you even know what Wi-Fi is?’”
As the demand for ghostly Wi-Fi access continues to rise, experts are warning of a potential ghostly uprising. “If we don’t address this issue soon, we could see a wave of disgruntled spirits haunting tech companies,” said Dr. Phineas Spook, a leading paranormal researcher. “Imagine a ghostly protest outside of a tech giant’s headquarters, complete with ectoplasmic picket signs. It would be a sight to behold!”
In the meantime, homeowners are advised to stock up on routers and data plans, lest they find themselves haunted by a Wi-Fi-deprived ghost demanding to binge-watch the latest season of “Stranger Things.” After all, no one wants to be the reason a ghost gets stuck buffering for eternity.
So, if you hear a faint whisper in the night asking for the Wi-Fi password, don’t be alarmed. Just remember: it’s not just a ghost; it’s a ghost with a streaming subscription.
