**Georgetown Scholar Reflects on Terror and the Erosion of Due Process in Immigration Detention: A Comedy of Errors**
In a groundbreaking study that has left scholars scratching their heads and comedians rolling on the floor, Georgetown University’s own Dr. Mortimer “Muffin” McFlufferson has bravely tackled the terrifying topic of immigration detention and the alarming erosion of due process. “It’s like watching a slow-motion train wreck, but with more paperwork and fewer snacks,” he quipped during a recent lecture titled “Terror, Tacos, and the Terrible State of Due Process.”
Dr. McFlufferson, who is known for his groundbreaking research on the correlation between immigration policies and the number of cats in a household, stated, “When I first started this study, I thought I’d find a lot of serious issues. Instead, I found a lot of people who just wanted to know if they could bring their pet iguana to court.”
In a shocking twist, he revealed that many detainees are more concerned about their missing socks than their legal rights. “One guy told me, ‘I just want my socks back! I can’t go to court in flip-flops!’” said McFlufferson, who is now considering a new line of research on the psychological effects of mismatched footwear.
The scholar also noted that the erosion of due process has led to some truly bizarre courtroom scenarios. “I once saw a judge ask a defendant if he had any last words, and the guy replied, ‘Can I get a pizza first?’”
As the nation grapples with the serious implications of immigration detention, Dr. McFlufferson remains optimistic. “If we can just get everyone to agree on one thing—like the universal right to pizza—we might just save due process after all.”
In the meantime, he’s launching a new initiative: “Socks for Justice,” aimed at ensuring that every detainee has at least one pair of matching socks before their court appearance. Because if there’s one thing that can unite us all, it’s the right to look fabulous in court.
