**Gavin Newsom Introduces $2,000 Asset Test to Manage Rising Medi-Cal Expenses: A New Era of Financial Gymnastics!**
In a bold move that has left Californians scratching their heads and checking their couch cushions, Governor Gavin Newsom has introduced a $2,000 asset test for Medi-Cal recipients. This groundbreaking initiative aims to manage the rising expenses of the state’s healthcare program, but critics are already dubbing it the “Penny Pincher Plan.”
“Why should we let people with more than $2,000 in assets hog all the healthcare?” Newsom quipped at a press conference, while juggling a stack of $100 bills. “I mean, if you can afford a fancy avocado toast, you can afford to pay for your own medical bills!”
The new asset test has sparked a wave of creativity among Californians. Local resident and self-proclaimed “financial wizard” Bob “The Budgeteer” Thompson has taken to selling his collection of vintage Beanie Babies to stay under the limit. “I had to let go of my prized ‘Princess Diana’ bear,” he lamented, “but at least I can still afford my heart medication!”
Meanwhile, 72-year-old Gladys “The Great” Johnson, who has been hoarding coupons since the Reagan administration, is now frantically trading her stockpile of expired coupons for cash. “I’m not going to let a couple of bucks stop me from getting my knee replacement!” she declared, brandishing a fistful of 50-cent-off cereal coupons like they were gold bars.
Critics of the plan are already lining up to voice their concerns. “This is just another way for the government to keep us from getting the healthcare we need,” said local activist and part-time magician, “David the Disappearing Dollar.” “Next, they’ll be asking us to prove we don’t have a secret stash of gold bars buried in our backyards!”
As the state gears up for this new financial gymnastics routine, one thing is clear: Californians are ready to get creative. Whether it’s selling off their prized possessions or trading in their grandma’s old jewelry, the race is on to stay under the $2,000 limit. After all, who needs healthcare when you can have a lifetime supply of ramen noodles?
