**Florida Activist Advocates for Satanology Banners in Schools, Citing First Amendment Rights**
In a move that has left educators scratching their heads and parents clutching their rosaries, Florida activist and self-proclaimed “Satanic Scholar” Beelzebub McSatanface has launched a campaign to hang Satanology banners in public schools across the Sunshine State. McSatanface, who claims to have read “The Satanic Bible” at least three times, insists that the First Amendment guarantees his right to spread the good word of the Dark Lord in educational institutions.
“Why should only the Christians have all the fun?” McSatanface exclaimed during a press conference held in front of a local high school. “If they can hang banners about Jesus, I should be able to hang one about my main man, Satan. It’s only fair! Plus, have you seen how cool the graphics are? It’s like a heavy metal album cover!”
The banners, which feature a smiling Satan holding a pitchfork and a “Welcome to Hell” sign, are designed to promote “critical thinking” and “alternative lifestyles.” McSatanface argues that exposure to different ideologies is essential for students. “I mean, how else are they going to know what to dress up as for Halloween?” he quipped.
Local parent and concerned citizen, Mildred P. Grumblebottom, expressed her outrage: “What’s next? A banner for the Tooth Fairy? I just don’t want my kids thinking that Satan is a viable option for their afterlife plans!”
In response to the backlash, McSatanface has promised to hold a “Satanic Science Fair” where students can present projects like “The Chemistry of Hellfire” and “How to Make a Devilishly Good Cupcake.” “It’s all about education,” he said, “and maybe a little bit of mischief.”
As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Florida schools are about to get a lot more interesting. Whether you’re Team Jesus or Team Satan, it looks like the First Amendment is about to throw a wild party, and everyone’s invited—just don’t forget your pitchfork!
