**Five Years On, Ghosts of a Pandemic We Didn’t Imagine Still Haunt Us**
Five years after the world collectively decided that wearing pants was overrated, the ghosts of the pandemic still linger like that one awkward Zoom call you can’t seem to forget. Yes, folks, it’s been half a decade since we all thought “social distancing” was just a fancy term for avoiding your in-laws, and yet here we are, still haunted by the specters of our past.
“Every time I hear someone cough, I instinctively check for a pulse,” said local resident Karen “I’m Not a Hoarder” Thompson, who still has a stockpile of toilet paper that could rival a small country’s GDP. “I mean, who knew that a pandemic would turn me into a bathroom supply mogul?”
Meanwhile, the ghost of “What’s for Dinner?” still roams the halls of our kitchens, whispering sweet nothings about takeout menus and frozen pizza. “I thought I’d be a gourmet chef by now,” lamented aspiring chef and full-time microwave user, Dave “I Can’t Even Boil Water” Johnson. “But here I am, still trying to figure out how to make toast without burning it.”
And let’s not forget the spectral presence of “Zoom Fatigue,” which has transformed our living rooms into makeshift offices and our pets into reluctant coworkers. “My cat now has a better work-life balance than I do,” complained Sarah “I Swear I’m Not Crazy” Williams. “He’s been promoted to Chief Napping Officer.”
As we navigate this post-pandemic world, we’re left with the eerie feeling that we’re all just characters in a sitcom that got canceled after one season. “I thought we’d be back to normal by now,” said Tom “I Missed the Office Coffee” Richards. “But instead, I’m still wearing sweatpants and pretending my houseplants are my coworkers.”
So, as we continue to dodge the ghosts of a pandemic we didn’t imagine, let’s raise a glass (of hand sanitizer) to the bizarre reality we now call life. After all, if we can survive five years of this madness, we can survive anything—even the return of the mullet. Cheers!
