**Federal Officials to Review Social Media Profiles of Visa Applicants for Harvard: A New Era of Academic Scrutiny**
In a groundbreaking move that has left both students and social media influencers scratching their heads, federal officials announced today that they will be reviewing the social media profiles of all visa applicants hoping to attend Harvard University. The decision comes after a series of alarming tweets were discovered from applicants who dared to express opinions on pineapple pizza and the merits of wearing socks with sandals.
“Let’s be honest,” said Department of Homeland Security spokesperson, Chuck “The Algorithm” McFadden. “If you can’t handle the heat of a Twitter debate about whether cats or dogs are superior, how can we trust you to handle the rigors of a Harvard education? We need to ensure that only the most socially savvy individuals are allowed to roam the hallowed halls of academia.”
In a shocking twist, the review process will include a thorough examination of TikTok dance videos, Instagram brunch photos, and any questionable Facebook posts from 2009. “We’re looking for red flags,” McFadden continued. “Like, if you’ve ever posted a selfie with a duck face or used the phrase ‘YOLO’ more than three times, you’re out. Sorry, not sorry.”
Harvard’s admissions office has also chimed in, with Dean of Admissions, Dr. Penelope “Penny” Pompous, stating, “We want students who can not only ace their exams but also curate the perfect Instagram feed. If you can’t make your avocado toast look like a work of art, what are you even doing?”
In a recent poll, 87% of applicants expressed concern over their social media presence, with one anonymous applicant stating, “I thought I was just applying to college, not auditioning for a reality show. What’s next? A background check on my Netflix account?”
As the world watches this new chapter in academic admissions unfold, one thing is clear: if you’re planning to apply to Harvard, it might be time to delete that embarrassing TikTok from last summer. After all, the stakes have never been higher—your future could depend on whether you can nail the “Renegade” dance.
