**FBI Offers $20K Reward for Capture of Fugitive Former Arkansas Police Chief in ‘Devil in the Ozarks’ Case**
In a plot twist that could only be scripted by a caffeine-fueled screenwriter, the FBI has announced a $20,000 reward for the capture of former Arkansas Police Chief, Billy “The Devil” McCoy, who has mysteriously vanished into the Ozark wilderness. McCoy, who was last seen wearing a Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops, is wanted for allegedly turning the local police department into a “one-man show” featuring questionable arrests and an abundance of karaoke nights.
Local resident and self-proclaimed Ozark historian, Cletus “The Conspiracy” Jenkins, claims he spotted McCoy last week. “I saw him at the local Waffle House, trying to pay for his coffee with a coupon from 1997,” Jenkins said, shaking his head. “He looked like he was auditioning for a reality show called ‘Survivor: Ozark Edition.’”
The FBI has released a statement urging the public to keep an eye out for McCoy, who is described as “armed with a questionable sense of humor and a penchant for bad puns.” Special Agent Linda “The Punisher” Thompson added, “If you see him, don’t approach. Just offer him a slice of pie and call us. He can’t resist pie.”
Meanwhile, McCoy’s former colleagues are reportedly holding a “Find Billy” bake sale, with proceeds going to fund a new karaoke machine for the precinct. “We just want him back,” said Officer Betty Lou, who is convinced McCoy is hiding out in a cave somewhere, singing ‘I Will Survive’ to the bats.
As the search continues, the Ozarks remain on high alert, with residents forming a neighborhood watch that includes a pie-eating contest and a karaoke night. “If we can’t find him, at least we can have some fun,” said Jenkins, polishing off a slice of cherry pie. “And if he shows up, we’ll just make him sing ‘I Will Survive’ until he gives up.”
So, if you’re in the Ozarks and hear a voice belting out show tunes from the woods, it might just be Billy McCoy—unless it’s just another raccoon with dreams of Broadway. Either way, keep your pie close and your karaoke machine closer!
