**FBI Directs Employees to Refrain from Promoting Pride Month During Work Hours: ‘Concentrate on Our Core Mission’**
In a shocking turn of events, the FBI has issued a directive to its employees, urging them to put away their rainbow flags and focus on their “core mission” during work hours. The memo, which was leaked to our sources (who may or may not be a group of raccoons in trench coats), stated, “While we appreciate the spirit of Pride Month, we must remind our agents that their primary job is to catch bad guys, not to catch feelings.”
Special Agent Bob “The Rainbow” Johnson, who has been known to wear a glittery badge during Pride parades, expressed his disappointment. “I just wanted to show my support for the LGBTQ+ community while interrogating suspects,” he lamented. “But I guess I’ll have to save my fabulousness for the weekend.”
In a bizarre twist, the FBI has suggested that employees channel their enthusiasm for Pride into more “appropriate” activities, such as “enthusiastically discussing the merits of beige office supplies” or “enthusiastically filing paperwork.” Agent Lisa “The Spreadsheet” Thompson quipped, “I mean, who doesn’t love a good Excel chart? It’s practically a rainbow of its own!”
Meanwhile, the FBI’s official mascot, a cartoonish bald eagle named “Uncle Sam Eagle,” has been spotted wearing a “Make America Gritty Again” cap, further confusing employees about the agency’s stance on inclusivity. “I just want to be a symbol of freedom, not a symbol of fabulousness,” Uncle Sam Eagle squawked, flapping his wings in frustration.
As the agency continues to navigate the delicate balance between professionalism and pride, one thing is clear: the only thing more colorful than a Pride parade is the paperwork that comes with it. So, while the FBI may be asking its employees to tone down the rainbow, we can only hope they don’t forget to add a splash of color to their lives outside the office. After all, who doesn’t love a good rainbow after a storm?
