**FBI Director Shares Nashville School Shooting Files with Lawmaker for the First Time: A Comedy of Errors**
In a groundbreaking move that has left the nation both baffled and amused, FBI Director Christopher Wray announced today that he has shared the Nashville school shooting files with a lawmaker for the very first time. “It’s like finally letting the kid in the back of the class see the answers to the math test,” Wray quipped, adjusting his glasses and chuckling nervously. “You know, the one who always asks if he can go to the bathroom right before the quiz.”
The files were handed over to Senator Chuck “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” Johnson, who promptly lost them in his office. “I thought they were just a really intense episode of ‘Law & Order,’” Johnson said, scratching his head. “I mean, who knew they were real?”
In a bizarre twist, the files were later found in a box labeled “Christmas Decorations” alongside a half-eaten fruitcake and a collection of VHS tapes featuring the complete works of Steven Seagal. “I was just trying to get into the holiday spirit,” Johnson explained. “But now I’m starting to think that maybe I should have just stuck to eggnog.”
Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists are having a field day. “This is clearly a sign that the FBI is trying to distract us from the real issue: why do we still have fruitcake?” said local conspiracy enthusiast and part-time cat whisperer, Linda “The Truth Is Out There” Thompson. “I mean, if they can’t even keep track of their files, how can we trust them with our national security?”
As the nation waits for further developments, Wray has promised to “reorganize” the FBI’s filing system, which he admits is currently “somewhere between a toddler’s playroom and a hoarder’s paradise.” In the meantime, Johnson is reportedly planning a press conference to discuss his “fruitcake findings,” which he insists are “totally unrelated” to the shooting files.
Stay tuned for more updates as this story continues to unfold—preferably in a more organized manner than the FBI’s filing system!
