**FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino: Bureau Nearing Breakthrough in Jan. 6 Pipe Bomb Investigation**
In a shocking turn of events that has left the nation both amused and bewildered, FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino announced today that the Bureau is “nearing a breakthrough” in the investigation of the infamous January 6 pipe bombs. “We’ve finally narrowed it down to a group of suspects who are definitely not just a bunch of guys in Hawaiian shirts,” Bongino quipped, adjusting his sunglasses indoors. “We’re looking at a very specific demographic: people who think ‘bomb’ is a flavor of ice cream.”
Sources close to the investigation revealed that the FBI has been using cutting-edge technology, including a “Pipe Bomb 101” seminar and a series of focus groups featuring local conspiracy theorists. “We even tried a psychic,” said Special Agent Linda “The Oracle” Thompson. “She told us the bombers were ‘definitely not from this planet,’ which was a bit of a letdown, honestly.”
In a bizarre twist, the Bureau has also enlisted the help of TikTok influencers to recreate the scene. “We’re hoping that a viral dance challenge will lead us to the culprits,” said Bongino, who is now known as “Agent Dance-a-lot” among his colleagues. “If we can get the right hashtag trending, we might just crack this case wide open.”
Meanwhile, the FBI has released a statement urging the public to remain vigilant. “If you see anyone wearing a ‘Make Bombs Great Again’ hat, please report them immediately,” said Bongino, who is also considering a career in stand-up comedy. “We’re not saying they’re guilty, but they’re definitely not winning any fashion awards.”
As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: the FBI is committed to finding the truth, one TikTok dance at a time. Stay tuned for updates, and remember, if you hear a loud bang, it’s probably just your neighbor’s barbecue gone wrong.
