**FBI Alerts: Hackers Targeting Outdated Routers – Check Yours Today!**
In a shocking revelation that has left the nation’s couch potatoes trembling in their sweatpants, the FBI has issued a warning that hackers are targeting outdated routers. Yes, folks, those ancient relics of the internet age that have been gathering dust since the last time you tried to connect to dial-up.
“Your router is like a time capsule,” said FBI spokesperson Chuck “The Router Whisperer” McGee. “It’s a gateway to your digital life, and if it’s older than your last New Year’s resolution, it’s probably time to upgrade.”
Experts suggest that if your router is older than your youngest child, it’s time to check for updates. “I thought my router was just ‘vintage,’” said local dad Bob “I Still Use My Flip Phone” Johnson. “Turns out it’s just a hacker’s playground. Who knew?”
Meanwhile, hackers are reportedly thrilled with the news. “We’ve been waiting for this moment,” said a self-proclaimed hacker known only as “The Router Bandit.” “It’s like finding a treasure chest full of outdated memes and cat videos. We’re just here for the nostalgia!”
In response to the alert, many Americans are now frantically checking their routers, only to discover they’ve been using a model that predates the invention of the smartphone. “I thought I was being retro,” said 32-year-old Karen “I Still Use My MySpace” Thompson. “Now I’m just a target!”
So, dear readers, take heed! If your router is older than your favorite pair of sweatpants, it’s time to upgrade. Because nothing says “I’m living in the future” like a router that can actually handle streaming cat videos without buffering. And remember, if you hear strange noises coming from your router, it’s probably not just the ghosts of dial-up past.
