**Evacuation Ordered After Suspicious Device Discovered Near Blue Ridge Parkway: Locals Fear It’s Just a Really Big Pinecone**
In a shocking turn of events, authorities ordered an evacuation of the scenic Blue Ridge Parkway after a suspicious device was discovered near the popular hiking trail. Eyewitnesses reported seeing a “large, metallic object” that some locals are convinced is just a really big pinecone. “I’ve seen some big pinecones in my day, but this one looked like it was ready to launch into orbit,” said local resident and self-proclaimed nature expert, Earl “The Pinecone Whisperer” Jenkins.
The device, which was later identified as a discarded barbecue grill, sparked panic among hikers who were convinced it was an alien artifact. “I thought it was a UFO at first,” said tourist Linda McFlurry. “But then I realized it was just a grill. I mean, who would leave a perfectly good grill out here? It’s a crime against humanity!”
Authorities quickly cordoned off the area, with Officer Bob “I’m Not a Robot” Thompson stating, “We take all suspicious devices seriously. Even if it’s just a grill, it could be a gateway to a barbecue dimension. We can’t risk the world being overrun by hot dogs and potato salad.”
As the evacuation unfolded, local conspiracy theorist and part-time Bigfoot impersonator, Chuck “The Sasquatch” McGraw, claimed the device was a government plot to distract citizens from the real issue: the impending invasion of giant squirrels. “They’re out there, I tell you! And they’re armed with acorns!” he shouted while waving a sign that read “Squirrels Are Coming!”
In the end, the “suspicious device” was safely detonated by the bomb squad, who later admitted it was just a grill that had seen better days. “We’re just glad it wasn’t a giant pinecone,” said Officer Thompson, “because that would have really grilled our plans.”
As the dust settled and the locals returned to their beloved parkway, one thing was clear: the only thing more dangerous than a suspicious device is a hungry hiker with a taste for barbecue.
